Cheap Laughs: A Collection of Shorts
by xThe Vixen
Summary: Wufei stuck dealing with kids all day? Dorothy's weird eyebrows? David Hasslehoff? You WILL find it here.
1. Summer Job

_This will be an on going collection of shorts, mostly comical and sometimes pointless, that came to life mostly out of challenges yet turned outamusing enough that I thought I should share. Character stupidity and bashing will once again be for purely comical purposes and should not be taken seriously, as I have nothing but love for these characters. So please, if you feel compelled to leave a screaming review of "Duo is NOT stupid!" take a moment to remind yourself that this is all for fun. Duo would be able to laugh at himself, believe me._

_The rating M is for the reason that while some shorts will be innocently funny, others may be more mature in content and/or contain sexual references. Read at your own discretion._

_Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and any celebrities making a cameo obviously do not belong to me. However, Aria, Kitty and any other original characters do. _

**Summer Job**

So summer jobs officially suck, Wufei decided grumpily. Just how exactly did the Preventors headquarters decide on who will be placed into what job that was supposedly to help them adjust to a normal life. Did they just pick papers out of a hat? Or throw darts at Post Its on the wall? Well, those were the only explanations he could think of that would explain his current positions as senior counselor in a kids' summer camp.

This particular day sucked especially, because of the wonderful proposition of taking the little monsters on a field trip to the beach carnival. He planned to hunt down and murder whoever's bright idea it had been, because clearly, that person had never attempted to control a wild bunch of seven to ten year olds. Even years of training hadn't prepared Wufei for this.

The trip started off well enough, but it quickly turned sour. For him, mostly, as the kids were having an awesome time torturing him. The little monsters of his group began to play "Simon Says," which was innocent enough until "Simon" told one of the others to poke another in the eye. He did, of course, in which case the poked proceeded to smack the poker upside the head. From then it just got worse.

He had a bucked of popcorn dumped on his head, which attracted the circus monkey, which proceeded to pick through his hair for popcorn, and then for flees, it seemed. He was fortunate enough to be rumored to actually have the latter by the little idiots now. Wonderful. Just what he had always dreamed of.

To top it all off, when he finally caught a moment to himself, and went down to sit on the shore, he was tipped over and slobbered by a dog, evidently attracted by the smell of that same damn popcorn. He was rescued, or rather the dog was rescued from him, as a shadow fell over them. He looked up to see a fakely tanned man in bright red trunks towering over him.

"I am David Hasslehoff and I will rescue you!"

Wufei was about ready to shoot himself.


	2. Apocalypse

**Apocalypse**

That's it. Her life was over. This was fully and utterly tragic. And no, it wasn't about Heero being in love with Aria, Duo had broken _that _news to her earlier last week. This was so much more serious than a mere man. She sniffled into her embroidered tissue.

Her index finger bled and she burst into a new flow of tears. Why did they make it look so magical in the Disney cartoon, cutting yourself on a knitting.. thing? It wasn't _magical_. It Hurt! And another thing, she decided that frankly, she hated kids.

She blew her nose. Unfortunately she also missed the hankie, and her fingers dripped with snot… _Weird colored _snot. Relena wailed.

This was the absolute _last _time she babysitted! Sinking to her knees, mourning the loss of her Persian carpet. The carpet now had a beautiful new design, in the form of colorful childish scribbles.


	3. Duo's Very Sincere Apology Letter

**Duo's Very _Sincere _Apology Letter**

Dear Quatre Raberba Winner,

I am very, very, very, very, very sorry for painting your gundam pink. I was mistaken for thinking you would like it to match your clothes. Matching is girly, gundam Sandrock is much too important and sophisticated for that. Also, gundams in general are weapons and are not to be used for entertainment purposes. I understand the error of my ways now, thank you Quatre for opening my eyes. I will never paint anyone else's gundam ever again. Neither will I use any other forms of decorations on them, including but not limited to, stickers, furry boas, Christmas lights and giant bouquets of flowers. I was in the wrong, I see this now, and I deeply regret my thoughtless actions. I will spend my Saturday scrubbing Sandrock clean.

Sincerely,

Duo Maxwell.


	4. The Party

This one is rated **M **for sexual implications.

**The Party**

"Oh, you attended that last soiree as well?" Relena asked the blond pilot, as she settled into the chair, teacup held tenderly between both hands.

"Unfortunately. It was an orgy!" Quatre poured a cup himself.

Relena nodded sympathetically. "You're telling me. I was caught right in the middle. Some guy got me from behind, I still can't get the stain out!"

Quatre shook his head.

"I know exactly what you mean. You would think high class people like that would have some better manners. It was exhausting just trying to keep up with everyone."

Relena pursed her lips skeptically. "Perhaps next time we should just have our own little party."

"Ah, yes." He beamed. "An intimate gathering between friends would be so much more enjoyable."

"Absolutely." She nodded. "This way you'll have more than two minutes with each person."

"Oh, I agree. It's much too rushed otherwise. You can't even really get down to business the way they had it set up there."

Relena smiled. "We should really show them how it's done."

She took another sip of her tea, when Duo popped a disheveled head into the room.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?"

"Oh, just the party we attended last weekend." Quatre replied, baffled at his friend's outburst.

Duo blinked. Shook his head. "What the hell kind of parties do you two go to, and how come I'm never invited!"

Quatre chuckled. "Oh, you wouldn't enjoy it, Duo. It's not really your style. I know you like to go all out when you do it."


End file.
